Tuesday, April 26, 2011

purely random

I've known this about myself for some time now and I guess I just didn't want to admit it. I push everyone away or I just don't let you in close enough... Just still keeping you at a distance. No matter who you are, I have and will continue you push.

There are rare occasions when i for a brief moment allow myself to not do so, allow myself to open up a little, allow myself to take a chance... Only to realize that pushing away is not only easier but it is safer. It is the smart move. I walk away or make you walk away before there is any real possibility that I will be hurt or that I will cause you pain.

I decided to try to go to sleep a little earlier than usual tonight (wasn't feeling the best) when I was awakened, as usual, by a nightmare. It is exhausting being me. It drains me.

Tonight is one of those nights where I kind of just want to be held. Just feel the arms of another around me, the comfort in that, the safety and security- even if short lived.


Claire said...

You have an informative blog. I’ve learned something from it. I do have mine too Thanks