Monday, January 23, 2012

on to the next journey...

Wow! I lost my job last week. Talk about the past few months being pure hell! I think the most painful thing is learning that I wasn't even a part of "The Team" that I was tricked into believing true.

3 days out from the hospital still trying to make it through a day with the pain that I have learned I will end up having to live with, I receive a phone call. The first one in over a week from my previous employer. (not one phone call to see how I was while laying in the hospital bed for 8 days.) Mind you, we were a company of 4, I wasn't a number in a large corporation.

Both of the guys who run the office are on the phone... the President of the company, a man I look up to and gives me faith that good people still exist, didn't even have the nerve to do it himself. The Vice President of the company, with his monotone and void voice informed me, "We have to take a different direction with your employment here, effective immediately."

All I could do was say "Okay". There was some other words he spoke and to be honest I was numb at that point. At the end of the conversation, I was told we hope you find the answers you need.

If that wasn't bad enough, when stopping in to clear my office and return my keys.... Not a one of them could have made the time to offer any words to me. Hell, one wasn't even there... While the other stayed in his office. I was treated as though I was a leper and had stolen from the company.

I've been hurt by their actions. I understand the politics behind a small company and well, stand behind their decision. Their follow through and actions were shameful and unfortunately showed me a side of them that is shocking.

I am still in a state of being numb. I try each day to move forward but the luster I once had is slowly dulling.

Starting in October my health has been a huge issue. I don't choose to be ill. I don't choose to go through pain or discomfort. I am watching all around me growth in each person I know... Yet, I feel my growth has stunted.

I am perfectly well aware that I am the keeper and key holder of my fate and with each day I allow this dark force to keep pushing me down only permits the luster to die out. My one strength is the continuance of jumping back up... There is no slow moving. I am on my feet and back at it the moment my ass hits the floor. I make the vow to myself, to never allow that to fail.

My next adventure is on its way... it will be bumpy and damn near difficult at times.... But guess what I'm not strong bitch and I will roll with the punches!