Friday, November 21, 2008

Absolute rambling

I have questioned Fate on more than one occasion and at one point completely given up on it. However, something keeps bringing me back to whether or not it truly exists. Growing up I had always believed in Fate. I knew with every fiber of my being that it existed and it was what guided me along my path. That no matter what my choices were, the decision was already made somewhere else where I was to go and what was going to come of it. No matter how many times I strayed from Fate's path it pulled me back in.

It was a hard fall when I started to believe that Fate was nonexistent. I have had many great choices in my life, but for one reason or another I would-be it Fate or whatever-I have always chosen the most difficult or painful path.

My story is long and complicated. One day I may be free to tell it. I have given up on Fate. I have given up on happy endings. I have given up on so many wonderful things for my own life.
However, I still believe that there is greatness out there for my children. There will always be greatness for them. So I still have Faith.

When the fall, I will catch them. Unless, they are far away I will go to pick them back up. When they need me I will be there to carry them and hold them and to listen. Choices are complicated. There is only one way to found out the truth and that is to try.

A friend of mine once stated-If you haven't tried you haven't lived. It is true! But when is it time to remove the film covering; open my eyes; take a deep breath; and live again? When will the fear be gone? When will I know that I am making the right choices? I have made so many bad ones. I still keep making the bad choices.

I am sorry. I tend to ramble. I guess it is hard to say somethings out loud. But typing them is so much easier.