Thursday, February 26, 2009

I want to SCREAM!!!!

Wanting to vent....
So, I have been keeping my cool a lot lately! I think that I am doing really well with not flying off the handle. I am now on medication for my migraines and they have helped with my temperament quite well...

However, there are times when I want to scream and shot and just flip my lid. For instance today is one of those days. I was having a pretty great day. I got my house looking decent again. At least all the random stuff is picked up and the living room is semi put back together. I still have a lot to do, but today I needed a break.

My sister in law, niece and nephew came over and so did my neighbor, Jennie and her kids... Well, it was a really nice time. The kids played and let out some pent up energy (which was well needed) and all was good. That is until the kids started acting like a group of crazed lunatics and were screaming and running and not listening at all.

Well, Jason ( my husband) was sitting in the chair on his computer (like ALWAYS); No matter how many times Jamie and I would tell the kids to stop or settle down they weren't listening... So I had to raise my voice on more than one occasion...

That SOB had the nerve to ask me what my problem was and if I had taken my pills. First I was totally embarrassed that he would even be so ignorant in front of my sister in law and friend. Then I was pissed.

Yes, I then began to become a bitch. I asked him when he was going to be done being a dick. ell, he continued to be a complete ass and felt the need to reprimand me every time I told the kids to stop doing something they weren't supposed to be doing...

But that is not all... Earlier this evening I told Kyle to do his homework before bed. He apparently didn't want to and decided that he would go to his dad. Well, once again, Jason told him and I quote, "Your dad said you didn't have to right now and that you could go play." I almost lunged at him like a wild mother lion protecting her babes. This is not the first time he has done this. In fact he does it all too often. I mean to the point where the kids don't even listen to me sometimes. It is very frustrating and I want to scream when he does this.

We have talked about it... but it only makes it worse I think...

Well, I guess that is enough of a rant for now... i am sure I could go on for days about this crap... but I need to go to bed. So much to do tomorrow...

Much love to you all!

It has been a few days... I have been crazy busy and still have about amillion and one things to do. Or at least it feels that way. Hopefully, this will be short but no guarentees.

I started the revamping of my living room this week. Sunday we went to HomeDepot (the place that is getting all my money these days) and bought paint, light fixtures, and many other things to spruce up the living room, front entrance and hallway. It has turned into a complete remodeling of the living room area... And I think it is turing out quite nice.

This is the terrbile pee green color we had before....

This is the work in progress....

Once it is completed I will post a few pictures. Other than the complete disaster my house has turned into and all the work I have been doing with the painting and such... My life has been pretty OK. Nothing really to relay.....

Well, until I have completed the process... Much love to you all!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

He is only 8 and already scheming

I guess that even though I pulled the same tricks... I will still get duped by my kids. Kyle was the mastermind this time. I haven't been feeling all too well this past week and Friday I was finally in the mood to move around and actually get out of my pajamas and clean the house.

Kyle came home and just walked over to me and said "Wow, mom, you look good today! How are you feeling?"

"I am feeling much better, buddy, thanks! How was school today?"

"I was just so worried about you, mom. You look so beautiful today!"

"What do you want, Kyle?"

Well, that was the start. I still wasn't feeling 100%, but so much better than before. Well, my sis-in-law came over with her two little ones. The kids played all night long and it was nice. This morning however, when I checked out the two main play areas... basement and bedroom... they were destroyed. I called for the kids and they blamed the neighbor kids (who haven't been over in awhile), their cousin from last night, and then even a monster. They had the pleasure of cleaning up the rooms that looked like a hurricane tore thru.

Kyle didn't complain once. He went right to it, no faltering and even delegated out what the younger two could do in order to get the job done faster. They did a really good job, not one of those stuff things places, but they actually did me proud.

So, Kyle with those little eyes of his asks about his friends again. I told him that once his dad got home and checked everything out then we would see. But dad had the final say. I went to the bathroom and the sec i come out, he is handing me the phone. Here he called one of his friends already.

Well, to my surprise these boys had been planning this for quite a few days. They called it "The X-Box Party" and were all prepared. So I talked to both boys mother's and they came over for their little party. They were so good! Not crazy and wild loud, but just like a group of little boys playing video games... so well behaved.

Although the little turd played me, I was very proud of him for being such a wonderful little host and having such a good time.

Cadence also did her fair share of being the annoying little sister... I love it!!!!

Well, much love to you all!

Friday, February 20, 2009

What book are we in???

Well, Cadence has been talking a lot lately about being in a book. I have tried to get some understanding from her here and there, but she was never staying on topic until recently. We were driving down the road, on our way home from Pre-school. She asked me what book we were in.

I was confused, having our previous conversations slipped my mind, and asked her what she meant.

"What book are we in? I know we are in a book, I just want to know who is reading about us driving in the car."
I asked her who told her we were in a book and she said, "No-one, I told myself, I just know we are."
The conversation continued with me asking who she thought was reading about us or who wrote the book.... "I think that God wrote the book and now he wants to read it. I think we are in God's book. Are we in God's book, mom?"

I answered her the best that I could, I told her that we could be in God's book. That God is our creator and watches over us all the time. Although we can't see him he is there, just like Jesus.

She then told me that Jesus watches her and that he reads the book too.

That was it! She moved on to watching the houses and everything go by. Then we come to the water towers by our house and her and Kaleb shout out... Water Tower.... Where she tells me people sit up there and watch all the people.

On a side note... The other day I was removing many of my past blogs from MySpace.... I am deleting that account soon... And there are many things in there that I will be sharing with you soon....

Well, much love to you all!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A little of everything

Wow! Where to start!? It was one hell of a weekend. That is for sure. It was a nonstop onslaught of constant on the go, wanna be drama makers, good times, and some shopping.

The past week was filled with my daughter's 5th birthday, my 29th birthday, a dinner for me a party for her and my nephew (who will be 5 on the 23rd) and sleep overs, game night and some people who want to cause drama.
For starters my daughter had a pretty good day for her birthday. Some family came over, mainly those who weren't going to be able to make it to the birthday party scheduled for Saturday. Well, that was nice. Then, Thursday was the first of many 29th birthday's for me. :) It was nice, I got a new camera... Made my day! Will be taking pictures like a wild woman, that is for sure. Got a cake and a few friends and some family stopped by. My mom took me to lunch earlier in the day and it was a nice day. Then Friday night we went to dinner with a flock of friends. 7 adults and 8 kids. Yeah, how would you like to see that? Crazy! But the kids were very well behaved.

Well, Saturday was the duel party for Cadence and Tyler, which are two weeks apart, a the skating rink. It was nice, a little crazy, but nice. Well, I had been planning this party for about 3 weeks or so... However, I had been planning on keeping my niece, Alexis for weeks before that, the night of the party. Cadence wanted her to go with her to the Spa Day so, it was in the works for a little while. The party was great... the kids had a great time...

Well, Saturday morning, I get a phone call from a female relative. She called to find out why I was cold hearted. Now mind you, for those of you who know me and know me well, you know that statement was stated just to cause a fight- major drama. I am far from cold hearted and would and will do anything for anymore 99% of the time. I will over stretch myself to the brim just to help some one out.

Well, let me set this up for you... Friday as I was getting ready for dinner, I get a phone call from a family member asking me to babysit on Sat to Sun... Well, I already had plans for Sat with my one niece, friends coming over to play games and getting up early to get the girls to the spa. I told her I couldn't, that I just had to much going on. Well, after she annoyed me for about 20 more minutes bitching about shit and telling me that I just have to my- my response was whatever.... I will. Well, it turned out that I wouldn't be able to watch her at all... and within the hour I called her back and told her that I just couldn't. Maybe next time. She wasn't rude about it, surprisingly... I should have known that she would be a super bitch about it later.

Well, back to Sat. morn. I am talking to another one of my family members... the one that called and she is telling me that I just was really mean and that I started making stuff up just not to watch the other person's child. I forgot that I am a full time sitter for other people's children... I mean I can't have plans or do anything without their permission first.

Well, she told me that she wasn't trying to start a fight... BULL- she wouldn't have called. I have known her too long to know that she was full of crap. Well, Now... according to the person whose child i was unable to watch that day... We are no longer related and I am a piece of shit.... OH WELL!

I swear... all of this the hour before I had to get to the skating party for my daughter... Not going to ruin my day. I had to block her texts because she was becoming ridiculous... But just before I did that, she sent me a message stating that she was bringing her child to the party but just because we are in the same building it gives me no right to speak to her.... UMMM.... don't think so. I told her that if she can't behave as an adult should, then not to come....

So, Monday, the kids didn't have school and the one relative that called me cold hearted had plans to take my son to lunch... well she came and completely ignored MY home... not hers.... MINE! I have had it with the super drama makers... I say they can live off of each other and their own drama... I am done and will not be a part of it anymore.

So, anyway- Cadence's Spa Day was the best... My mother in law and I took the girls and were able to watch for a few and take come pictures. It was so cute. They got little robes... punch, cookies, and pedicure, manicure, designs on their nails, and a chocolate kiss facial. Too cute... Let me tell you! They may be having a mommy and me day for mother's day... you bet I will be going to that!!!!

Well, I need to go pick up Cadence and Kaleb from school.... hope you enjoyed the pictures!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The never ending 29's........

Well, my little lady is now officially 5 years old. She is already saying things like "Daddy, you don't have to come sleep in my bed, I am a big girl now and I don't need you." "I can brush my own hair, I am a big girl now, mom!"

She cracks me up! But she still acts like the pain in the butt as always. Her and Kaleb are at this moment having some issues with playing a game and I am trying to let them work it out on their own- at least until I hear something that could be really bad.

So, tomorrow is my first (hahahhhaha) 29th birthday! UGH! I never thought that I would have a problem with aging. But for some reason I am having a big problem with almost being 30. Not sure where is stems from but I do know that it is awkward. I mean I have always had a problem with turning 30 because my mother, eldest sister, and eldest brother each had a nervous breakdown when they hit 30. It was not an aging issue but just mental ones I guess. It is pretty scary. I know it sounds silly but it is a fear that keeps getting closer and closer.

I am excited that this week the snow has started to melt. Don't get me wrong I love the snow, it is one of the reasons I love Ohio! But I can only take so much of it. The weather has been playing its little games with being nice and warm... then it will go back to the 30's again by the end of the week. That is not cool at all.

But, I have been also having all these dreams that I am pregnant... different stages of pregnancy too. Like one time I was 4 1/2months and feeling the babies move (i knew it was twins)... another was me just weeks into it and afraid to travel... and one other one was right at the end and huge preggers like. I have a feeling it is my subconscious being sad because I may not have anymore. I know I have three and that should be enough, but i still want more. Greedy I know.

Well, life isn't always simple or scripted out for each one of us. I would love that. Wake up in the morning to the newly written script for me to play out... I just thought I would be somewhere else by now. I guess my drive isn't what it used to be.

oh well.... must go separate children.... hahahaha!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

She is getting so big!!!

For starters, this blog will be dedicated to my little lady Cadence.

Well, tomorrow at officially 10:59pm, my little lady Cadence will be 5 years old. 5!!!! I can't believe it. She is getting so big and grow
n up. She just amazes me. She is gentle and kind, so smart, and pure evil all wrapped up into one.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her. It was a happy day and a sad one to boot. Well, we had been trying to have another baby for about eight months, because my doctor told me that I wouldn't be able to have anymore. Well, I had started to believe that it would never happen (i am impatient and 8 months was torture for me) and I was losing hope. Well, one weekend in May 2003 my sister-in-law, bro-in-law, and I went out to celebrate his birthday. Let me just say we totally celebrated! I slept by the toilet that night... not fun at all.

Well, the previous year was rough for me and I had become accustom to drinking in large quantities.... Well, the following day was Sunday and I was completely hungover... I had work the next day.

I went to work, not feeling so hot and thought I was coming down with something. We were stressed, getting ready to move, getting ready to go on vacation with my family, and tons of other crap. While at work I realized that I hadn't started my period that month so I went to the store got a test, went home at lunch peed... and cried my eyes out when I show the positive sign. I was so happy and completely disgusted with myself for getting my newly growing baby drunk.

Well, that pregnancy was by far the worst. I learned with my first I that I lose loads of weight in the beginning but this time was really pushing it. I started out at 134 and ended up going down to 114 in about 2weeks time (wish I could do that now). So I learned that I get hyper-thyroidism while preggers. Every week I had to be tested and every week I had to have an ultrasound. The baby was growing perfectly, no problems with her at all. But my weight was just getting lower. So once I hit my tenth week... I started to show progression. I still only ended up gaining a total of 18 pounds more than when I first started out at... but the baby was great. She was a rotten turd though. Still getting ultrasounds every 2 weeks at this point... yet she would always cross her legs when trying to find out whether she was a boy or girl. The doc first said girl, next time, boy, and then he just gave up. Until she decided to try to come early. Preterm labor was evil. However, it was also stopped.

Then I was still working up to labor time... and I went to work on Mon, Feb 9th- We were done to one car and I had taken my friend to work... Well, Jason worked in Akron and that is a good hour from where I was.... About 9:45 10:00 am... the contractions started... they were getting worse and closer. I had to call my friend, Jennie, she had to call another friend, Lora, to get her to me, to get me home. Well, home we get, and those damn contractions stop-but still hurt like hell. So, we walked and we walked and we walked and we walked.

Finally, Jason gets home and we head up to the Hospital. Now, mind you the Friday before I went it, I was already 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced....The nurse told me I was about a 1cm and only 50%. I laughed at her and told her she was wrong. Well, some time went on and still getting closer and worse... Get checked again and still told maybe a 2 and only 50% .... an hour later... some how I am a 1cm again.... they told me they were going to send me home, that it wasn't time. I told them to call my midwife and let her decide that. Here, not once did they call her and tell her that I was there and she flipped out. Talked to the main resident on call at the Hospital and when he checked me for the millionth time he flipped.

I remember him talking the nurse behind the curtain (not sound proof mind you) and just started yelling at her.... That made this uncomfortable woman very happy. Well, here I was already 7cm and 90% to 100% effaced... my midwife got there... told me that I may not be able to have an epidural and I told her I was getting one. My water hadn't broke yet (it never did with any on my kids) and she got it set up. It didn't even work.... grrr!

Well, I was having a hard time pushing and the baby coming out.... and her heart rate was dropping. Now, all you mothers who have had kids knows that your knees are at your face and your feet are too far way either... well, I had the midwife and nurse whispering to Jason it coax me to push harder and not stop at all, because the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck and her heart rate was dropping too fast... It was my turn to flip and I just started screaming_ "I can hear you, damn it!" One more push and she was out. Cleaned up and slapped down on me.

She was perfect. So tiny, 7lbs 1oz. I was so happy and exhausted.

She was so jaundice for so long, they made me get a billirubin blanket to help or she would be back in the hospital. That cleared up and she got RSV at 3 weeks. I was terrified. Spent a few nights in the intensive care unit... and she was better. So independent at such an early age too. She stopped nursing on her own at 5 months-almost killed me. But I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Angel!!!!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I will get organized if it kills me

I will get organized if it kills me. Let me start off by saying that it doesn't have to come to the extreme of death to get me organized.

I got the cleaning bug today. I have been doing a little cleaning here and there and I just re-organized my desk.... While doing all this, in between I have been doing research on the specific topic of study I want to pursue... There are so many fascinating fields, I am a little overwhelmed.

I have been a little out of it lately due to some issues with my family, but I think that as long as I keep myself from them, I should be fine. I am not saying that I will completely exile myself or them, but just limit out the contact I have with many of them so that they don't always bring me down.

It is hard to be in the situation I am sometimes. I do not constantly look for that pat on the back, because I know I did a job well done, and my work speaks for itself. Such as, if I cook a great meal or my house is super clean or the kids are well behaved or I have an Associates in Business.

Yet, when I have people who should be a supporter not even acknowledging great accomplishments such as the last mentioned one... It can be quite disheartening. My lil sis decided that she was going to go to nursing school. And if you know my sis you know this is a huge adult move for her. Well, my mom called me very excited and proud like a mother should.

She started off with telling me that my sis was accepted and "We will finally have a professional in the family!" Those were her exact words. Words that cut thru me like a sharp knife slicing a ripe tomato. I was speechless. I had already received my Associates Degree and was working on my Bachelors Program. Yet, that didn't seem to phase her.

For some reason my diploma went to my mother's house (no clue why) and she lost it. She actually lost it. Can you believe that???? It took her a little over a month for find it.

I guess it has always been this way. You can look down the long path of my life and see that I am looked over every time. But I know this and work past it.

Well, since that was completely tangent from where I was going.... I am upset because many members of my family will not be attending my daughter's 5th birthday party. It is not like it is tomorrow and i just you about it today. It has been in the plans for a several weeks and I made it a point to bring it to every one's attention early on. If the reasons were legit and not immature bull or selfishness... then I wouldn't be upset.

Anyway.... I am looking forward to setting myself up to continue on with school and get to where I want to be..... well, that was a whole bunch of nothing.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

complete rambling

So this blog really has no real subject... just a bunch of randomness...

Well for starters... My girlie... Cadence, who will be 5 in 6 days... can tie her shoes all by herself. I am so proud of her. She is the best little monkey a mama could ask for. She loves school and just can't wait to ride the bus and go to Kindergarten. I am going to start working with her more on her letters, writing, sounds, and pronouncing them... She will be reading before Sept.

Kaleb is the cutest little boogerito ever... That is a word that he made up to call everyone. He is an odd one i tell ya. I think I am slowly losing control with him though. He likes things his way or no way at all. It is a battle most of the time... so i am going to have to start picking which ones are really worth it anymore.

Kyle... MY SHINING STAR!!!! Brought home his report card.... 3 A's 2 B's 2 S +'s and an S. He brought one of his cards from last time from a C to an A.... I am so proud of him. He is amazing. We have to work with him more on his reading. That has started to slack a little when it comes to reading... but the way he reads is weird. He breaks up sentences in weird places and will even run sentences together. Sometimes I have no idea what he has just read. But he understands it all. His reading comprehension scores are above average. I am so proud of him, I am beaming.
We are actually getting a better relationship. I was worried there for a little bit, but things are getting on track. I am so happy about that.

Well, it has been almost a full two weeks of being jobless and I still have my sanity. That says a lot. I have decided that I am going to go back to school and finish a degree. However, I am going to be going with my life long dream of Criminal Justice. Not sure where that will take me, but I am open for anything. I love everything there is about it. I think that losing my job-one that I was continuously growing to hate has really opened up a plethora of doors for me.

Tonight, I had my niece until my sis got off of work. We went out to dinner at TGI Fridays... had a gift card... ahh free food- the best.... But the kids were great... No problems getting them to eat and they got some dessert. No trouble putting them all to bed...

But then i got a phone call and it was my sis telling me her battery was dead or something... I think it is the cold weather... Well, I packed my niece up in the warm van and went to the rescue... Got the screws on the battery better and it started up nicely.

hmmm.... I think that is all. Who knows... my life can be pretty mundane.

Monday, February 2, 2009

I like football?!

Well, I am one Happy Pittsburgh Steelers fan!!! That was one hell of a game. Now many of you are asking yourself-when did Manda became a football fan? Well, I actually find it funny myself.

I have noticed that over the past few years I have become more and more sucked in by the game. I have been a Steelers fan since about my junior/senior year of high school.... 11-12 years ago... but really never cared much to watch football. I would always catch the Superbowl.... but nothing more than that. And even then the main reason I would watch was for the commercials.

Well, last years I was sucked in and watched the playoff games and was totally stoked about the Super Bowl/ This year was even worse.... I would catch as many games as I could and HAD to watch the playoffs.... I was actually pissed with I missed the Steelers last playoff game.

Then I made sure that I planned my day out perfectly yesterday... I wasn't missing a second of that game! There was no way that was going to happen. Oh.... it was a good one too. That last catch made by Holmes for the Touchdown... I jumped up off my couch and did a little dance... My son just starred at me like.... oh good god is that really my mother... How embarrassing!

I was on the edge of my seat for those last moments of the game... Because anything could happen. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed that game last night.

Well, other than that... I pretty much did little over the weekend. My niece Bethany said with us all weekend. Jennie, Jamie and the crew of children were over on Saturday and that was a blast. Let me tell you that I had 8 children here just to play.... That is how it is with us all... There are so many of us that we need to make sure we plan big for when we do things.

Friday night my brother-in-law, her girlie and her bro came over and we played Pictionary Man... OH THAT WAS TOO FUN!!!! I laughed my butt off.... However, I feel that Carissa and I were cheated.... We would get the most difficult things.... While the guys were getting repeats and simple little things. I had to draw a Deaf Interpreter... Now can some one tell me how in the hell you draw that??? While the guys got little things like Pump.

Well, it was fun... especially when my bro-in-law tried to draw the Sphinx.... OH! It looked like three balloons blowing in a strong wind... good times good times....

Well, I guess I should start cleaning today... Or I may never get in the mood to do so.