Tuesday, March 31, 2009


So I am a big box of whiny baby... I have had a tooth that wants me to yank it out and stomp on it til it is dust in the wind. I woke Saturday to the pain that since hasn't gone away or even let up. I want to scream... but talking and moving any part of my mouth hurts the damned thing all the more.

I hate being down... I still have to post my Weekend Update... so much to talk about. And I will get there... between pain during the day and being doped up on pain meds in the evening... I am really not in the blogging mood... But I will be back up and blogging my brains out soon enough... I see the dentist on Friday... I MAY BE COMPLETELY TOOTHLESS BY THEN!!!!

Friday, March 27, 2009

a little of everything

I have a few random thoughts to spew at you...Just a few things that I found to stick out about my week.

The other night I watched the movie The House Bunny... I must say that it was cute but rather brain numbing as well. I am sure most men would enjoy this movie while on mute. Anywho, My youngest son, was lying on my lap because he wasn't feeling all that great that night. Once the movie was over and I turned on the DVD player, he sat up and said,

"I want to watch the Barbies again."

The barbies, Kaleb. What barbies?

The barbies with the boobies. Mommy, turn it back on.

So, now that I know my 3 year old in infatuated with boobies... I lost it. Too funny.

This week was his last week for preschool. When I was working the kids were in preschool/daycare fulltime. Mon thru Fri 8 to 5. Well, when I was so graciously let go... assholes... I had to cut the kids down to Cadence Mon thru Fri half days and Kaleb Tues and Thurs half days. Well, over time... even though it completely cute the monthly bill in a little more than half we still weren't going to be able to afford it. So I had to cut Cadence down to just 4 days a week and Kaleb now stays home with me until Sept. I am sad about it and cried when I was gathering all of his things when I picked him up yesterday.

Last night after dinner Kaleb and I were playing. I would blow a bubble with my gum and he would pop it... cracking up laughing that a little hyena. Too funny!

Cadence has been having some completely crazy nights. She usually has nightmares that verge on night terrors. This has been going on since she was 2. It is killer when she does it because her screaming is terrifying. I have talked to the pediatrician about it, but he says she should just grow out of it. Well, she isn't. One night she dreamt that Santa Claus was trying to take her lil brother and her and kyle (the older bro) had to stop him. She said that his little green evil men, elves, were coming at them trying to cut them up and they had to kill them all. Then they cut up Santa so that they could save Kaleb. A couple of nights ago she dreamt that a police officer just came and took her friend to prison and all he was doing was laying on his trampoline. She was screaming and crying out to him. What I can't get is that she has these nightmares about people that are not bad. I mean Santa is supposed to be one of the greatest guys around and the police are here to protect. She used to dream about a wolf but that went away when she told me that I had to cut him up into little pieces. She was 3 at the time. I have a doc appt with the ped. in about two weeks so I will be talking to him about this AGAIN!

Kyle is doing really good. He is actually getting his homework done within a 45 min range when it would take him 2 to 3 hours. I am completely thrilled at that. His attitude is even getting better. wonderful. He usually fights with me everyday... that has pretty much come to an end. I am LOVING it!!!

I let the buses use my driveway to turn around in, it is safer for them and it is convenient for my kids to be picked up. Well, I also have a front island on grass between the horseshoe driveway and the street. Now the bus that pulls into my driveway not only pulls in here like a bat out of hell racing in the Indy 500, but she has been over time ruining my island. She is completely taking chunks of the land and making what once was a nice gradual slope into a drop off that could kill someone on a tractor. Well, they started to re-gravel my driveway today... now I am hoping that they do something about the hideousness they have created in my front yard.

Erm... I do not know what else I can throw in here. I have other things to say, but they are for another post another time.

Until another time... much love to you all!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Some additional prayers are needed....

So, my youngest sister is engaged to a man in the Army. He had been deployed in Egypt since August and this week was to be his first leave. He was lucky to be able to come home the week of his daughter's 4th birthday. Him and my sister decided to plan a nice trip for the 3 of them to go to Florida and take my niece to Disney World. I was super excited for them.

Well, I got a phone call from my mom (yes we are talking again) and she didn't have good news to share. It just so happens that when my future bro in law was boarding the plane he made it as far as the plane itself and was asked for his boarding pass. Being someone who has never flown-the whole process is confusing to me and terrifies me- well he was asked and when he told them he wasn't given one when they checked his ticket, they told him that he needed to get off the plane and get it. They escorted him off... He says that the second he existed they shut the doors and before he made it to the ticket check in place (don't know names of these things) the plane took off. WHAT THE FUCK!?

When he went to find out why they told him that they only had one other flight out to the States... and that it wasn't until tomorrow... they made him get another ticket. He also asked to use a phone and was refused... The guy only had enough cash on him to get the new ticket and a little bit more than that. Well, he asked someone there to use their cell phone... They made him pay. Again WHAT THE FUCK!?

He was told that if he didn't take the flight tomorrow that the next one was April 3rd... and then he wouldn't get to take his leave. Well, at this point he is now waiting to get on the flight tomorrow... he now has to stay the night in the airport, no money for food or anything else... and just wait.

He will still make it in time for their flight to Florida... but still...

What the HELL is wrong with people? What kind of person would charge someone to use their phone to call phone to let family know that they aren't going to be on the flight he was supposed to be.

I am asking for you all to pray for him to find someone worth something that will being able to give a little help until his flight. I am asking for you to pray for him to make that flight tomorrow without hesitation. I am asking for you to pray for him to make it home safely to see his daughter and fiancee and to get his little girl to Disney for her birthday.

Thank you to all of you in advance for your help and your prayers!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Memories....Can be a bitch

So... Do you ever have those days where you think about things you would rather not think about? I am not meaning chores that need to be done, errands that need running, or bills that need paid. I am talking about memories from a time in your life that you would like to just have go away.

Memories that at the time of the creation were amazing moments that you would love to keep a hold of for the rest of your life... that is if it would have done the way you were planning it to at that time. Yet, over time... your plan back during that time disappeared and was replaced by you or by someone else. Now you are somewhere else... doing things that weren't part of that other plan... Confused yet!?

Now you are sitting alone drinking your morning coffee, reading the new People Magazine, washing some dirty dishes, separating laundry or just driving home... those little bastards just pop into your head without warning. Bringing back a moment that was so everything you once wanted and thought you would have. Reminding you that you were once so irresistibly happy and full of hope and joy for what was to come. Reminding you of a smell or a look or a touch... reminding you that you no longer have that. Pissing you off, just because they can.

Now I am not talking about memories of pain or abuse. Not even memories of wrong doings... I am talking about those memories that are sweet and dear and if things had gone the way you had once planned... they would be a welcome reminder of wonderful things. Yet, since your life took another path... they are still there... every so often popping in to say... Hey asshole, you will never forget me and I don't care.. NOW SUFFER!

I was on my way home from dropping the kids off at school and preschool today. I had an old mixed CD in the player and a stupid song came on that just flooded my mind with memories of a time that I try to forget. A time I thought I had it all planned out. A time that living in a fantasy world in my mind was just beginning. The memories started coming in slowly and I was able to handle that.. I have done a good job of that in the past. But today those rat bastards starting zapping through like a damned slide show... flashing stills of moments I thought were long gone and no longer stored in the banks of my long term memory.

I have an interesting story... one that some may be able to relate with, others who will judge one way or the other, and some who may just think I am crazy. I want to one day tell my story.... yet... the timing is not right... An excuse I am all too familiar with. One that has become my tag line for life. New in theaters near you... Amanda - the timing is not right.... Critics give it mixed reviews....

I know that our mind is a very tricky thing and you are to learn from things that you have done... good or bad... but can't some things just go away.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Donde estes el bano?

So as you may have guessed it... I am a blogging junkie! If I were attached to a laptop or computer 24/7 you all would be blessed with at least 5 or more blogs a day. The ideas just pop in and have a way of their own... but unfortunately I lose that train of thought before I can transfer them into the little typed characters on a screen.

Well, this morning, I was talking with Kaleb. He is now 3 years old and very smart. Sometimes I think he may be a little smarter than I give him credit for. He refuses and I mean refuses to to potty train. He will sometimes sit on the potty but that is a rare occasion. Mainly only if he doesn't have to go at all, but time for a dry diaper to be put on his little tushie!

I have been trying to get him to accept this next step in his little man life. He will, after all, have to be potty trained before he starts Preschool next fall. I know I know... That is about 5 months away... but still... 5 months can go by pretty quick.

I have bought him lil man undies, cool Cars pull ups, and even have his favorite cartoon character Dora the Explorer pull ups. I am trying everything! Rewards have been offered and given. Cheerios have been target and trees have been offered for replacement potties. Running around naked is not something he is willing to do. The boy has to have clothes on or he will freak out! And I do not mean that in a small way. He will scream and cry and jump up and down....I WANT MY DIAPER!!! I WANT MY PANTS!!!! WHERE IS MY SHIRT????

When we talk about getting to wear under pants he flips. He will run and hide and then bring me his package of diapers and say see... I have more diapers. Well, I have about 10 diapers left and I have no intentions on buying anymore of them. I have two packages of pull ups after the diapers and am planning that I will not be purchasing anymore absorbent pants for my boy.

He has man poop now... not little baby poop that you can handle changing... NOT AT ALL! His butt is so gross! Well, what comes out of it!!! Sometimes I really have to think about what in the world he has eaten.

Yet, he is the last one and if it takes him a little longer to use the potty this momma won't be too sad... I will cry the day I no longer have to use diapers. It has been 8 years since I have been using them... and when it comes to an end it will be heart breaking... ahhh my baby is growing up!!!! Crazy how I can go from Poop in that potty boy- to don't grow up baby... in point one second.

Well, I am sure you will hear from me again soon... I am have blogging fever.. hahha... So until another time.. much love to you all!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

My weekend update...

It is yet again another Sunday night... The weekend is already over and I am sad. I love the weekends. They are so fun filled, I get to spend so much time with the kids and family and friends, and I get to sleep in.

This weekend was it's usual filled to the rim weekend. Friday was a good lazy like Friday. My sis in law came over with her kids and we all went out to dinner. That was nice. The kids were very well behaved and it was all soo yummy! There is something about going out to dinner and having some one else cook your food and serve it to you that makes eating dinner so much better. I know it sounds kind of odd, but really, to not have to get up and get the kids drinks, and refills, and more food; or a napkin to clean a mess. To be able to eat your meal with the rest of your family all at once and while it is still hot. WOW!!! That is genius!!!

Saturday was Nuby's birthday party. He is my friend Jennie's middle child and he turn 3. Him and Kaleb are 4 months apart and will be the two (of the millions of kids we all have) that stick together like glue through school. You know when they are together and quiet you MUST check on them... they could be up to anything!!!!!!!! Saturday night we adults played games and that was a blast.

Today was alittle different of a Sunday. This is usually the day of complete laziness or grocery shopping... but we went Geocaching today. Now if you are not sure what that is... don't worry because I am still trying to pick up on it. Check out the official website and see if it is your cup of tea... Geocaching.

Well, my husband started his new job in Feb and met some really nice people. There was one gentleman in particular that introduced him to geocaching. I guess that the simple explanation is that it is a neat way of a scavenger hunt. People all over the place "plant" a container of sorts in random places. Go to the website and list the coordinates for others to find. In some of these containers there can be prizes... or as my children put it Treasure. We went Treasure Hunting today and they loved it. They were so excited about it... ok... tangent... one sec and I will get back to that. Well, in other containers there are just logs. You sign these logs with you screen name from the Caching website and then log the places you went on the site as well. Once you get so many there are "special" hidden places you get privileges to search. Mainly we came across places that held little treasures for the kids. Some little toys or marbles... The kids loved it!!! They can't wait to go again. I have placed a few pics up for you to see...

Well, now it is Sunday night and I am really trying to keep to my no massive junk eating diet change. I have been doing pretty good. The soda intake has decreased and the water intake has increased. I am eating healthier and less often. It is working pretty well, except... I have been wanting candy so bad. I have had some, but not been over indulgent-we'll see how long that lasts. I am currently munching on some carrots trying to sway the urges for sweets- ahahaha!

I am loving this Ultimate Blog Party hosted by 5 Minutes for Mom. I have been able to find so many wonderful people out there in the wonderful world of Blog! I got my first award! I can't wait to continue sharing with all of you and getting to know you all so much more. Thanks so much to SITS or I would have still been in the stone ages of blogging... and thanks to Jennie over at Happy Mayhem for introducing me to SITS.

Well, everyone, until another time.... much love to you all!!!!

First Things First.....

I got an award... Thank you so much Leslie.... I got on to check my mail and get caught up and some weekend blogging and found out that I got my very first award!!!! YEAH!!!!

So along with the award comes some they are...
Rules do accompany this honor:"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."
I am not sure who may or may not already have this award... so I am going to chose my eight from a list of blogs I have really enjoyed reading and can't wait to continue reading....
1... Is my bestest best friend... She has her own quirky way of telling any story.
2... Is an amazing woman with whom I have had the honor of meeting and growing a friendship with.
3 thru 8... Are all astounding writers that I have been able to have a peak into their lives thru this wonderful blogging world. Each one has their own unique writing style that just sucks me in and wanting for more. Thank you to all of you who have allowed me to read more.
Thank you again Leslie for the award!!!!!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Just looking for some additional prayers

Today while going through all the blogs that I currently follow (the list keeps growing-love it), I came across a blog by a man who was recently feature as the blog of the day from SITS (Secrets in the sauce). I truly enjoyed reading many of his blog the day he was featured and began to follow his blog, because I loved it. You need to check him out, Me and the blue Skies- Preston rocks!

Well, he has just posted a new blog date March 19th. This blog is something that I felt I would like to share with my readers. It is about a little boy who is 8 years old, Andrew. He is the same age as my Kyle. He has cancer. There is a tumor growing in his cheek which has effected his sinus cavity. My heart is breaking for him and his family. Please for more information and to leave Preston any responses for praying for his friend's grandchild your thoughts and prayers go over to Say a Prayer for Andrew.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Red Lobster?????

So, yesterday was my big get myself looking better and feeling better about myself day. I go through these spruts where I am completely crazed about something for a day or two and hope and pray that it lasts longer than that.

I asked for Pro Active for Christmas and hardly used until earlier this week. I swear that stuff works. Well, I started out this week in a crazed super cleaning mode. I cleaned out the fridge, cleaned the entire kitchen, living room and super cleaned the bathroom. I was in full force cleaning mode and even scrubbed the floors. Ahhhh... I love a clean house and I am sure many to most of all of you do to.

Well, then the week continued on and as it did, I made sure I kept my house nice and tidy and then came the kick on starting to make myself a little more in shape and to help to make me like me a little more.

Ever since I had the lump scare I have been changing a lot of things. I have altered my diet. I cut out a ton of junk! And if you know me you know I love my junk.... drooling as i type! Well, I am eating less junk and much better smaller portioned foods. It is working out nicely and I have not faltered as of yet. I have also decided that I am going to limit out the amount of caffeine I intake. I am a pop-o-holic and I mean it... If they had a support group for pop drinkers I am sure my hubby would make me go. I mean... my absolute favorite pop is fountain pop.... I know all he best places too. There is a Taco Bell that has the best fountain Pepsi... then there is this one McDonald's with the best fountain Coke.

See I told you I have a problem. Well, I have been doing well! I have only had my morning iced coffee, water, and maybe a can of soda with dinner, then more water. It is working out for me.

I have also decided that I need to get back into shape. Once the weather starts to get a bit warmer I will start to walk the bike trail down from my house with the kids. I have also thought about tanning. I sometimes go tanning and really have no problems with it. I went tanning for the first time in about two months yesterday. Well, I have always go for the same amount of time every time I go tanning. I do not have very fair skin and I wasn't all that pale. Well, they must have got new bulbs or new beds or something...

My attempt to start tanning and keeping some color I must have decided subconsciously to become a lobster. My back, arms, chest and back of my knees are RED!!! and PAINFUL!!! hahahaha! Laughing is all I can do about it. I mean I should have noticed that the beds were new and that I should have said, Ummm... yeah I need a shorter time since the beds are newer.

So, this red lady will be in some pain for awhile. I can't even put on a bra! i tried and I thought that my flesh was being ripped at by poisonous claws. UGH!!!!

On another note.... Kaleb had to go to the doc's yesterday and got a prescription for an antibiotic. Well, the pharmacy that we usually go to no longer takes our insurance... But did they tell me that when I first game them the card and she input all the info? NO! But they tell me when I made sure to ask..."Do you take my new ins?" NO!! Did they tell me to come back in 20 min and it would be ready? Yes... Was it ready... NO!!! I had to wait all that time to be told we don't take your ins... then all the other pharmacies were closed.

So this morning... I go to another pharm and am told good luck finding someone with that medication in stock! Are you freaking kidding me?!?!?!? My son needs his meds and I can't find anywhere to get it filled! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a few more places I can try... and I better find one soon!

Well, until another time... much love to you all!!!!

Ultimate Blog Party

Hello, All!!!! 5Minutes for Mom is hosting the Ultimate Blog Party 2009. This is the first year I am participating and I truly look forward to meeting a group of wonderful new people.

I am a stay at home mom, which came up just a couple of months ago. I have never been happier about staying home with my kids than I do now. I started my blog last year... Well, the end of it that is. I just love to blog and write and I was hoping that this would be my outlet for it.

I am a 29 year old mother of three terrific little monkeys... Kyle 8 Cadence 5 and Kaleb 3. They are the light of my life. I have been married for the past 8 years and we have been together for 13 years.

Sometimes I wonder where all the time has gone...

Check out 5Minutes for Mom for a list of all the other wonderful blogs and their bloggers that are a part of this great party. There is also a list of amazing and wonderful prizes... Check them out as well...

My list of the "most wanted" are:

The simply precious photo tile necklace # 41... I think that it is absolutely gorgeous!

The $50 gift card to Target #19

The Pepsi tote full of loot #60

Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred.... #49


Prisoner of Circumstance #24

Hope to meet many of you during the next several days... and maintaining new friendships! YEAH ULTIMATE BLOG PARTY 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Piece of Mind

Today was my second opinion appointment. I went there list of questions in hand and prepared for what ever may have come my way. I went in a little early and made sure I had everything that I was going to need. Thankfully, I didn't have too wait for long.

Well, I went into the room and the doctor shortly followed. I explained to him my situation and then my concerns. He looked over the report and went into his explanation of things. He told me that most women my age have dense breast tissue and that is very normal. He also told me that having the ultrasound was the best test to have had done. The ultrasound will pick up masses even through the tissue. He did his exam and told me that he was able to feel "my lump" and that it is movable and squishy-both good signs. He also stated that if I were his daughter or his wife that he wouldn't be concerned at all. That once I turn 35 and began my regular annual mammograms that if the tissue is still dense then... that would be the time to worry.

He actually made me feel at ease. That I was able to get some answers to my questions. I am going to be less crazed now, yet more cautious. My aunt was just diagnosed with cancer and I have found that I do have a family history of breast cancer. I also have several increasing factors. I am going to be begin changing my eating habits, alter my caffeine intake, exercise, and quit smoking. I understand that there are no definites for what may or may not cause cancer, my one cousin took the best care of herself and never drank or smoked; ate only organic and exercised regularly-yet she is finishing her chemo at this time.

Whether or not I am able to prevent something that may or may not happen, it will also do me good to be in better shape and have better health on my side. Maybe now I will be able to have a peaceful sleep.

Until another time... much love to you all!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Decent Monday....

It is another Monday... and as Monday's go, this one wasn't as bad as they usually are. It has been a sweet blessing that it has been so slow sailing. Yet, the easiness of today makes me question what the rest of the week will be like???

Kyle went back to school today, he is feeling much better. Thank goodness! He just walked in from school and said he had a pretty busy day. So he is going to relax and then start on all the work that he missed out on. Poor thing!!!

Cadence went to school today too. She said she had a great day. She is always so full of energy, but the poor thing is slowly passing out on the couch while watching Sponge Bob Squarepants as I type.

I had my friend's son Peyton today and that was a blast. He surely doesNOT like the word no, especially when it is directed to him. He was sticking some things in the rabbit's cage... Pey-pey, NO... waaahhhhhh!!!! Then he was eating popcorn and gave me the evil eye... I told him not to even think about it. What did that little turd do??? He threw the bag down and then started picking pieces out and throwing them. So he lost the popcorn and was told NO throwing! Well, there came the tears again...

Him and Kaleb have so much fun together. It is nice that they can occupy themselves with each other so that I can clean and what not. I got quite a bit done today. I was able to clean the refrigerator... It was disgusting!!!! YUCK!!!! That took the whole morning. Well, my nice paced day continued with cleaning the kitchen and living room and mopping the floors. Ahhh to have clean floors.

Well, now that my post is completely boring... I have some news. I am excited to say that I am going to see another doctor for my second opinion tomorrow. He had a cancellation for tomorrow and they put me in. I was thrilled to hear it. The woman who scheduled the appointment told me that I will probably have to get another ultrasound and that doc will probably tell me where the best place to go is.

Well, since I have nothing of great interest to spew out on the screen, I must get Kyle motivated to do his homework... or he will never get caught up.

Until another time... much love to you all!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Some weekend randomness

So tonight I have a few random things I want to go over. I mean I have a lot to say, but really not a lot on each subject I guess... Or maybe I do we will see....

For starters, Kyle is doing so much better. He is fighting taking his medicine but I manage to get it down. I don't blame him though, it is gritty, nasty smelling and just plain disgusting. He has still be running a fever and still a little down, but the fever is much lower and he is much more active than he has been. Makes me feel so much better to see him getting back to being my lil Kyle man. Kyle and I have been getting closer and closer. I am so loving the fact that I am no longer working. I think it has done me wonders. I am so much happier and if I can see that, my friends see that, my family sees that... the kids are even picking up on it.

Tonight was the fourth installment of Jason's family, and I mean whole family-aunts uncles cousins great aunts the works- get together. At Christmas time we had decided that from this point on we were going to continue to grow as a family and have monthly get togethers. It would take place on a Saturday and each "family" would take turns hosting. The first one was at Jason's cousins house and it was a load of fun. Last month it was here and we had a super blast. Everyone stayed a pretty long while here and we played games. Today it was at my sis in law Jamie's house. I love getting together with his family. I never had anything like that growing up and it gives my kids to grow lasting relationships with their cousins and aunts and uncles.... each generation of them. It is really nice when we remember grandma and grandpa.

I went to BW3 Friday to get the kids some lunch and that just so happens to be where my sister, my younger one- the one who says i am dead to her, works. Well, wasn't really expecting to see her there, since I knew my mom wasn't babysitting. Well, I ran in to grab the order and it wasn't ready. That made me a little bitter since i was already later than I said I would be to pick it up. So I waited patiently and there I seen her, my sister out of the corner of my eye. Well, only she would be able to say whether or not she seen me at that point. Yet, I had to wait around for what felt like the better half of a year to get my food. She walked up behind me, stood in line and then asked the girl behind the counter a question over my back. I turned around and being the mature person I try to be, I said hey and said hello to my niece, who was with her. We weren't standing but about the distance of two medium sized people standing between us. She didn't even look my way. She had to know who I was... for starters she was 10 minutes from my house, i had on the white coat she gave me, and ummm... i still look the same as i did the last time she saw me. There was no response from her. Nothing... not even a shrug, a glance nothing!!! NOTHING!!!!!! She grabbed my niece by the arm and lead to back over to the other past of the restaurant. I was shocked... but not so much. I guess some people just need to grow up.

Last but not least... I have always wanted another baby. Tonight while playing with Emily and feeding her and holding her... it made the urge worse. I almost started to cry, just holding her. I know that it is not a possibility at this point. My house isn't big enough and there is no way we could afford it, but man, I just love being pregnant and being the mommy to a new little one. I think having the possibility of something being wrong with my body and the potential of not having the option any longer is eating me alive. I know that it is not feasible at this point in my life... but it still makes me so sad.

Cadence is having a sleep over at her Aunt Jamie's tonight... She was so excited... She loves sleep overs! She loves anything that she gets to do without her brothers involved. hahaha!

Well, I guess that is enough of my random ramblings... until another time... much love to you all!
Oh, one more thing... i haven't been posting pictures because i have been on Jason's laptop the past few posts and there are no pictures on it. That stinks!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Are you freaking kidding????????

Well, I got the call yesterday from my doctor's office.

It went something like this....

"Mrs Krpicak... we got your results and they are normal. You have a small cluster of cysts. The cluster is about 3mm big and they are benign. Gaye just wants you to follow up in 3 months and you already scheduled that appt. We will see you in June."

"Um... but what about the other lump? I have two of them?"

"No there is only mention of one lump. It is fine there is nothing to worry about."

"Well, I was told by the doctor that was there the day i have the ultrasound that I had dense breast tissue. Is that something I should be concerned with?"

"Your report says nothing about dense breast tissue. And I don't want to sound mean or anything but you the ultrasound tech has no right to say anything to you."

"No the tech was relying what the doc told her. Why would they tell me that I have dense tissue if there is no mention in the report? Why is the lump that I feel not even mentioned?"

"How do you know that the one that we have in the report is not that one?"

"Again, I was told that I has dense breast tissue and the tech said that the doc told her that the one area...which is the lump that Gaye found-was just a small cluster ofcysts. Nothing to worry about."

"well, I don't know what to tell you. You will just have to talk to Gaye about it when you come in for you appt in June. Ok, bye!"

Now... I am super ticked at this point and decide before I flip out anymore I will make sure that I get a copy of the report and films so that I know what Gaye's office was looking at. I picked those up today. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO MENTION OF THE LUMP THAT I FOUND!!!!!!!

I am furious. I know that it is there. It was confirmed by my husband, a nurse practitioner and my midwife. So, why wouldn't she, my doc... notice that the lump they are talking about clearing is not the one that I have the most concern with.

I am not saying that I want to find out that I have cancer or something terrible wrong with me. But I do want to know without a shadow of a doubt that it is nothing... not just passed off because the ultrasound tech couldn't do her job properly.

In everything that I have read through the countless research... Breast, Susan G Komen website, and the Mayo Clinic to name a few... Each have stated that there are many problems with the ultrasound.... Mainly the ultrasound tech not doing what they need to do.

So, my next step is to go and see another doctor for a second opinion. I am going to talk to my cousin and see where she went. I am also going to ask a couple of other people that I know to see where they went. My number one choice at this point is a doctor that I seen several years ago. I want to get this appointment taken care of as quickly as possible and I think that my next step is to request an MRI. We will see....

Well, an update on Kyle. We went to the doctor's today and he wanted us to get a xray on his chest hoping to rule out pneumonia. We got everything done pretty quickly and found out that his lungs look good. However, his ped. said that the type of flu that is going around will lead to pneumonia and that Kyle is on that track. He placed him on some antibiotics... He said that his fever should start to go away this weekend and if not to call him Monday.

Well, there is lots of drama in my world at this time. I just hope that there will be a time when things can be a little calmer around here.... But what will I do then??? hahahha joking!

Well, until another time... much love to you all!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

fevers and waiting not fun

Well, my big little man is sick. Kyle just spiked a high fever out of nowhere on Tuesday evening. It was a bit surprising but I wasn't too worried. I thought that it was a fluked fever and all would be ok after a day of resting and sleeping. Yesterday was just the day for that. I kept the kids home and Kyle pretty much just slept the entire day away. It was good for him. Other than when his brother and sister were stinkers and kept running into the living room screaming and stomping... I swear sometimes they can be so rotten.

His fever will only break slightly and shoot right back up before his next dose of Motrin. He is eating and drinking very well. So my nerves have been calmed. I get really worried when my usually wild and crazy kids aren't themselves.

He didn't go to school again today. He is still not doing well. I am going to call the school and have them get his homework ready for me so that we can have the whole weekend to do it. I really don't think he will be going back til next week.

I did get a great phone call this morning. Late last week we had Kyle's blood work done to check and make sure that he doesn't have anything chemically imbalanced or anything underlying that would cause him to not be gaining weight or even losing it. The doctor's office called to give me the great news that he is healthy in that aspect. Our next step is a dietitian. We have been looking for one now for about a week. We want to make sure we find one that will fit right in and get Kyle to get. I am half temped to tell Jason to find a hot chic so that Kyle will listen to her. Hey it worked with his good looking teacher. He actually listens to what she says and he doesn't want to ever disappoint her.

Although I got one great phone, I still haven't received another one that I keep waiting for. I decided to call my doctors office yesterday to see when they would get the results back and I was told that it could take 3 to 4 days. OHHHH GOOD GOD!!!!! Can I really wait that long? Looks like I have no choice but to.

I have calmed down some now that I know that I will have to wait until about Monday. I am keeping a positive attitude with the information that I may be getting and truly hope that everything works out for the best.

I have done some additional research on dense breast tissue and learned that the ultrasound if preformed properly and by a "seasoned" tech that it would be the best way to tell mass over dense tissue... So that made me a little better. Yet, the ultrasound tech, to me, was rushed and I don't feel she was very thorough. I just have to wait at this point and will have to go from there.

Until later... much love to you all!!!!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

??? dense breast tissue ??????

Well, as many of you know, I had my ultrasound today. It was alittle unnerving for sure. I went to a place that the doctors I used to work for used quite often when sending patients over for other testing.

When the woman did the ultrasound I was surprised to see how she was able to see anything. She moved at like mach speed and I know I am not a professional in this field by far, but still. She was able to locate both sites of the lumps. The one I just found out about today was considerably smaller than the one I knew about.

The exam lasted maybe about 15 min or so... She went to show the doc there the pics and told me she would be back in about 10 min. Well, that was the longest wait of my life. When she came back in she seemed rushed still. I understand when an office is busy but show some compassion people.

She proceeded to tell me that the "new" lump was just a small cluster of cysts and that there was no concern at all for it. Then she said that the doc thinks that it is just some dense breast tissue and it should be nothing to be concerned over. The words that stuck out to me were THINKS and SHOULD... Ummmm.... HELLO!!! That does nothing for me. I also know that they can't give me anything other than that... since they are not licensed to read these things that they are just going off of training and seeing these ultrasounds everyday.

I am questioning now... If it is dense tissue... is it always in an isolated area... or is it supposed to be the whole breast that is dense? Will there be any additional testing to make sure?

In plenty of what I read my changes of getting breast cancer now have increase 5 to 6 times... Also... doctors usually brush it off because of the young age. I am just going to have to wait until I hear from my doc... I really hope she doesn't give me the brush off... and I am confident that she won't because I have been with her for over 12 years... She knows me and knows how I can get.

Well, that is all I have for you know. I want to thank all of my wonderful friends and family for all of their support. It makes it so much easier for me to know that I have so many wonderful people there standing beside me. Until later... much love to you all!

Not what I was expecting....

This is of my dad, my sister Michelle and I. I love this picture.
My doctor appointment was today. Well, it was going nice and normal like. Then came the breast exam. There was a nurse practitioner there today... so she did my exams. She started with the right and quickly moved to the left... Well, she keep going back and forth. She started to ask if I felt a lump. I told her I had but not in the area she was checking at that moment.

I told her where I felt it, she checked there and was like, Oh yeah I feel that one too. I it is larger than this one. So, my doc started to check. The conversation began with when i noticed this. I let them know when and why I had waited. Then told her that I thought it was a clogged duct.. but not sure if that was possible. She said it was unlikely. Although they do follow along the duct. Then she felt around a little more. Told me that the breast was full, thicker and noticeably heavier. Those were words I didn't want to hear.

I have been doing research and everything I have read tells me those are all signs of cancer. She said she wasn't too too concerned, but just to make sure I have to have an ultrasound. That is scheduled for this afternoon. No waiting on this... I was going to but, Jennie told me NO...

She said her concern was with the fullness, heaviness and thickness I have. That as long as on the results are ok, she will see me in 3 months to make sure there are no changes. She will call me regardless of the results to just give me piece of mind.

I was going there today expecting to hear, oh that is fine... those are normal or even I don't feel anything at all. I am a little uneasy to say the least.. but all together trying to keep the positive attitude. I am still young... although, that isn't a full proof theory these days.

I mean I have plenty of the signs.... weight gain, smoker, family history, poor diet... and now the thickness, fullness, and heaviness. I guess it is just my natural fear seeping.. but that is normal. If I weren't worried at all I would question that.

I have been thinking alot about it. I mean, if it is something cancerous. I would have to get it removed with a possible masecetomy or double masecetomy. I was talking with Jennie, today... I was thinking if I had to .... I would have a going away party... A memorial or wake of sorts for my poor boob. It's last hoorah! Sounds silly, but something that I think may make it easier for me to deal with. That once that happened and I would have to start chemo... I would just right off the bat shave my head. I can't just let my hair fall out. I couldn't do that. The thought terrifies me. I know that sounds vain... but not really.

I know that I am going to the extreme, but it is better to be prepared right? Well, I am probably just getting all worked up over nothing at all. Life is a tricky thing.... there are so many obstacles to tackle and overcome... I believe I am a strong enough woman to deal with it.

Once I used to think that I would just go thru it without telling anyone. I would just do it on my own... I couldn't and wouldn't do that. That is not the healthy or wise thing to do at all. The fear would eat me alive. I think I have a great support team regardless of what I go through.

Well, until another time... much love to you all!

I know its late...

So, tomorrow I go to the doctor to find out about this lump. I have been thinking alot about it lately. I have come to the conclusion (didn't you all know I gave myself a medical degree) that it is just a clogged duct. It has been over 2 years since I have breatfed, but it is still possible, i think.

I go to see my doc in the morning. I will drop off the kids, hang out in that area for a bit and head on over. I am not really scared at this point. I have thought about all the possibilities and I have prepared myself for what may come, good or bad. I am sure I can handle any situation that comes my way.

I also wanted to take the time to tell you all that my son, Kyle... He is in the advanced reading group in school. Something he failed to inform me or his dad about. We are so proud of him. At conferences last week, his teacher told us that he is an excellent student and could excel in everything as long as he paid attention and did his work. He is an A-B student already, but she believes that is could be straight A's. He has been doing amazingly with his homework these past few nights and I am so in awe over him. He is growing so fast and I am just so proud.

I also wanted to show you a few more pics of my living room, the curtains are still not up and may not be until I save some money for them... They are expensive... OUCH! Here they are...

This is the color...

This is the back wall...

This is the front corner.. i love this one...

Well hope you like... until later... much love to you all!

Monday, March 9, 2009

My no titled Weekend

The picture is of Kaleb holding Emily... She was loving it! Laughing and trying to eat his face!

Well, my weekend is over. That really bums me out. I love the weekends. Stay up late and are able to sleep in. But then Sunday night came along and I knew we had to all get up early for school and work the next morning... Did I get any sleep? NO!

For starters Kaleb has been having this thing where he has to sleep in my bed. No matter what I do, even if he is asleep early, he won't stay asleep he has to be in my bed. Now, don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my little boogerito and even don't mind the occasional sleep in mommy's bed night. However, this little turd doesn't sleep in one place. He ends up anywhere and everywhere. One night I woke up and he was lying on my head, another night i woke up to him lying in the fetal position at my butt. There have been feet and hands in my face, kicked and kneed in the stomach and back... I can't take it... I don't sleep at all when he is in bed with me.

However, that is not all. The wind was crazy last night and I usually love the sound of the wind and the rain... but last night the wind was going to drive me insane. I am already about to kill over from not sleeping because of Kaleb, now I have the wind trying to rip off the awning on my window... It has already pulled it off its track and now the metal piece gets bashed into my window. I just wait for it to come crashing in. Well, thankfully nothing came crashing in. That would not have made my day.

My weekend was a nice one. There was plenty that was accomplished and I truly did enjoy it. Eh, most of it. Friday wasn't our average Friday. Kyle got out of school early. We got his blood work done. He hasn't been gaining any weight and he has been losing some here and there. The doc is going to check out everything he can on the medical end to see what is going on, but from there we can see a Dietitian for more help. The Jamie and Jennie and all the kids came over. It was fun. I love spending time with all of them. It makes my heart smile. Well, we- Jennie Jamie and I have so much fun together.. we are big dorks... We sat on the computer trying new hairstyles. And then we started to tie the kids shirts like we used to wear ours during the late 80's early 90's.

Saturday... We got up early and went out and about. We went to the car wash and swept and scrubbed the carpets and seats of the van. Oh... it looks so much nicer now. It even smells nicer- hahaha! Then we went to lunch at Ruby Tuesdays. It was nice. The kids were well behaved and ate their lunch. It was turning out to be a good day. Then we went to Target. Oh... the dreaded Target. Hahahah! We get there... start getting what we need, let the kids pick something out... and Kaleb starts to whine. So not sure what it is-overly tired... but turns out he goes from regular colored to red from head to toe. Beet Red-he is crying about his tummy and we hurry up like no others... We finish there rush to Walgreens for Children's Pepto. And he starts to puke! Thank God we were prepared and had a bag... Then he puked a few more times on the way home... puked some more when we got here and than sat on the potty for 20 minutes pooping his little guts out... POOR BABY!!!!

Sunday, Kaleb was better, but still whiny and picky about him food. But got the kids ready... took Bethany home and had to make dinner. I was supposed to go out with my friend Alina... but there was just no way i was going to leave my lil Kaleb.. so I am begging her to not hate me!

Well, have so much to do today... Clean clean clean... ugh! Until next time... much love to you all!

Thursday, March 5, 2009


My lil Monsters...This is something I wrote awhile back... thought you might enjoy it!

When did anyone ever tell you that becoming a parent meant that you were going to have to change crap for the next 6 years? Or that working all those months to get them to say their first words would all go down the drain when they so quickly pick up taking back with sarcasm? What about all the jeans with holes, because they can’t listen to stop crawling on the floor with your new pants? How about the days they just don’t want to go to school or karate or soccer practice or the stinking store? When were you ever warned that there will be more days that you have to bribe you child to do what they have to just to avoid an argument or a mini melt down? Did you know that inside these tiny little bodies with the baby faces and cutsie voices were hardcore evil politicians out to suck you soul, when you weren’t looking?

Well, I was never once told of any of this. I was told about the cute little hands and feet. The soft skin and the smiles. The coos and giggles. The warm fuzzies you get when they saw mama for the first time. The way it feels when you hold that little one for the first time. The sadness that you will feel when they go to kindergarten or the great depression that will hit you heart when they start college. The amazing new baby smell. The great milestones, Crawling, standing, walking.

Those are the things that you remember the most. Yeah, having your 2 year old crawl around on the floor in the kitchen singing a song with the words bull shit mother f-ers over and over and over again can be amusing and embarrassing all at the same time. It is always going to have a place in your memories as well. Or the time you daughter cut her own hair. When you son pooped in a shoe in the closet or even on the back patio, then covered it with a diaper. Those are all memories and funny stories to tell to embarrass the crap out of them when they are in their 20’s and dating.

However, the things that you will tell that child when he or

she is about to have one of their own will be the great stories of the first time you saw their wrinkled little faces, heard their first cry. Over celebrated their first words and first steps. That time they cried out to you in the middle of the night because of the first time there was a monster in the room or from a bad dream.

We will always leave out that the wrinkled face was that of an old man looking thing that eventually got cute, that cry that would make your ears bleed, those first words turned into swear words or back talk, those steps turned into running away when you knew you were about to get into trouble for hitting you sister. Those night time cries were every night at the same time... you no longer slept again. They can learn those on their own, just like we all did. That is when we get to sit back like our parents did and laugh. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!

But I will promise you this, I swear to never say, You will one day have a child that is just like you. That would mean that as grandma I will have to go thru it again. hahahaha!
Being a mother has been the best job God could have ever blessed me with. I enjoy it so very much!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Lumps and paranoia

So I have been toying with the idea of even posting this blog. It is something that I have pretty much kept to myself, only having told my husband not that long ago. However, I am a little worried at this point. Now most people believe me to be a hypochondriac, and I will confess I was a pretty bad one. And you must admit I have gotten better over the years.

I found a lump on my left breast in November of 2008. I figured it was nothing and that I would just start to make sure that it was still there or that it would just leave over time. I usually do a Self Breast Exam, but wasn't doing them regularly. That all changed as of November. The beginning of the month is when I had decided to start my monthly checks. I know that it is usually best to do this about a week after your cycle but due to the Mirena, that is not an option.

December rolled around and the lump was still there. I had also started to notice that I was having a feeling in my breast that felt as though my milk was coming in. For you nursing moms, you know the feeling you get just before you start to leak... That was the feeling that I started to get. Shortly after the pain and sensitivity started. So I told my husband that I had found a lump and it has been there for a month. I am not jumping to anything, just wanted to let him know it had me a little freaked. I decided I would keep checking.

January, it was still there. The pain was still there is as well, it wasn't and usually isn't a constant pain, but a pain all the same. Also, women you know the tender feeling you get before you start or right when you find out you are pregnant (which ever applies to you)... I have that 24/7.

February, still there.... I began to think maybe I should get this checked out. Yet, that month we went without insurance from a job switch. I started doing some research to better educate myself in the different reasons woman have lumps in their breasts. Most of it was slightly confusing, but a good portion led me to believe that it was just a hormonal change. I also began to think about how my left breast is sooo much bigger than the right one. It is not just slightly noticeable but very much so. I know that size differences are normal... but it only added to the paranoia.

March.... I checked again, just yesterday.... It is still there. The area is main region for the pain, yet the tenderness is slightly spread out some. The lump feels like a little knot... A bit bigger than a pea. I am working on finding the information on my new insurance so that I can confirm that my doctor is in our new network. Once I have confirmed that information I will be calling her to get an appointment.

I am still not jumping to any conclusions, but I would much rather be a bit paranoid and be informed that it is normal or something not as serious as cancer. I believe that my fear of getting breast cancer is playing into my crazed thoughts at this point. I know that I am still at an early age, and that the majority of cancer in my family is located in aunts and uncles. Yet, I am also aware that not all cases are as cut and dry as genetics.

I guess I am just worn down from everything else that I have going on, that keeping this in wasn't working any longer. I promise to keep you updated, once I know more.
The picture is of my sister Michelle, her daughters, Abbey and Olivia, my daughter Cadence and myself. Until a later time... much love to you all.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

My heart is breaking....

I had once started a blog about something that happened to me not to long ago. Yet, I didn't finish it or post it because it was done out of haste and anger. Now it is different I feel my heart breaking.

I know that the majority of, if not all families, have their own level of dysfunction. I am not claiming to top the charts because I know there are far worse. I am just at a loss. I guess I should have seen it coming, but never thought it would. I will give you some back ground first.

I am far from being an only child. My mother has three others, my father has two others, and I have two step-brothers (that are my brothers thru and thru). Out of all of them I have 5 older siblings and 2 younger ones. Each one has their own story.

My oldest sister is a drama lover with a drug and alcohol problem. I have been there for her as much as I can be. Until she became more than a negative influence for my children. They are my life and I will limit out what I can to protect them.

My oldest brother has major anger issues (can't blame him) and is not healthy. He married a magnificent woman whom I am proud to call my sister (inlaw) and they were blessed with a beautiful daughter that I love as much as my own child.

My next to oldest sister is a wonderful woman with whom I have been honored to get to know better and become closer too. She also has two amazing beautiful daughters which I also love as much as i do my own children.

The other two older brothers live their own lives as best as can be and I love them deeply. One has a girlfriend who has tried to take him away from his family, yet we don't let go so easily.

My younger brother is an amazing man with two beautiful children of his own, a son and a daughter who are loved as equally as the others.

Then there is my younger sister, the youngest of them all. She also has her own issues and difficultly being an adult in the harsh world that we live in. She was also blessed with amazing little girl that I love so deeply as though she were my own.

My youngest sister is the one with which i have the most problems. To her the world must revolve around her or there will be hell to pay. Everyone must do as she says and be at her beck and call at all times. I have grown to accept that about her. I love her-just as i love everyone of my other siblings.

However, even since the beginning or at least as far as I can remember we have been oil and water. We are each at the opposite end of the spectrum and have completely different views on life. However, I would be there for her for any reason possible. And I have been.

Yet, when I am unable to accommodate her for any reason at all, she will claim I am dead to her and start a fight. One that our mother is brought into and will always side with my sister. It is the truth and many could vouch for that. I am not trying to mud sling-it is just the plain truth that is obvious to many inside and outside of the family.

Recently I was unable to keep my niece (my youngest sister daughter) over night because I had prior engagements. I had other nieces staying with me and I had other plans. So, I had to decline watching her this one time (i have had her many other times without reservation). This incident turned into a war within my family. It has turned things completely upside down. The day after I told her I couldn't (even after having told her for weeks before I couldn't) she began to become crazed with rage and decided to drag our mother into her pits of fire. I was ambushed that day, which happened to be my daughter and nephews joint birthday party. First my mother called asking me why I was so heartless. Then my sister began to text me that I was dead to her and that I was trash as were all of my friends. She continued to say things like Just because we will be in the same building gives you no right to speak to me. I tried to explain to her that I wasn't going to have this, especially on that day, and that if she couldn't behave like an adult for a few hours then not to come to the party.

Well, that turned into an all out hate fest. It has been almost a month since then and my mother felt the need to bring it up to me today. She called me heartless, coldhearted, spiteful and hateful. She brought things that happened years ago and were resolved.

For instance, my first year in my house I hosted Easter dinner. I had my family (both sides) and my husbands family. The thought was a bit overwhelming, but I hoped for it to work. I have my younger sister who is a bit obnoxious and a brother in law on my husband's side who is just as bad. The two of them together was a bit terrifying. Well, it turned out there was a fight after all. Well, my brother in law did the best thing and decided to leave. Well... that is when the drama started. My sister claimed he tried to run her over. I was there and that did NOT happen. I would have hunted him down if it would have. But it didn't. I swear on my life as well as the lives of my three children that didn't happen. Yet, that is what my sister claimed and my mother believed it.

Well, that turned into a long 6 month or longer feud. This included my mother telling me that she wanted to abort me and that if it weren't for my father she would have. Have you ever been told something so painful? Let me tell you that it felt like all the oxygen was sucked from the air and I was dying. Yet, I moved past it. I didn't and never will forget it, but I was able to move beyond and repair my relationship with my mother and eventually my sister.

Well, today my mother brought up this situation by trying to state that I never stick up for my sister. However, I stick up for her as much as humanly possible. (outside of accepting her to dress like a whore in front of my 8 year old son who notices everything)

She also brought up something today that really hurt-it will be another day for me to go into that. I have tried to be as adult about this as I can. I have not said anything outside of my normal speech to put them down or disown them in anyway. I love them both with all my heart, but I don't think that is enough anymore. There is no hope for making something work when more than one has to keep it going.

I know this is long, so I will end it now. I just feel hopeless at this point. Until another time... much love to you all.

Monday, March 2, 2009

a little something

Well, i have decided that I like the idea that Jennie has; I will also be posting a picture with every blog. Especially since she posted such a lovely one of me with her last one. Hahahahaa! And I really enjoyed her last blog Her Not Me Friday... tooo funny! You have to check it out!

Well, I have a little update about my living room and it is slowly coming along. I did get quite a bit done last week. It only took two days to do the painting in the entrance way, living room, and hallway. That to me was the easy part. Now tying everything together is a pain in the ass. I still need to get curtains... my window looks horrible without them, however, that is turning out to be the biggest pain... those suckers are expensive. But they have to be a part of the deal, because I refuse to not have anything on my windows.

This is the work in progress.... but that is the gist of the color...

I had a pretty crazed weekend and will have to write about that later... until then... much love to you all!