Saturday, September 19, 2009

doesn't make much sense, but oh well

Today.... hmmm.... I have so much to say so there may be just some crazy jumping around... may not make much sense at times, but really do I often make sense?

I think I have really come to terms with why I am the way I am... NOT!!!!! I have realized that I DO know that I am capable to doing what I want to do. That I AM capable of being who I want to be. That there IS hope out there that I can be truly and insanely happy.

I know I have what it takes to do what needs to be done... but I am still pondering over why in the hell I am standing still. It makes me angry. GRRRRR!!!!

I spent some time with some great people today. People that I have grown to love and adore. People that I would hate to not have in my life. Maybe that is a reason why I stand still... because I fear they will not follow me.

The first part of this blog started on Saturday... it is now Sunday and I have really realized somethings.... Things I don't think I have ever allowed myself to think before. Things that just terrify me to think. I have so many great friends and family. I am afraid of how they will be when I start walking again. I was told today, that if they don't follow, then they weren't worth it to begin with.

Have you ever seen the TV show, Wipeout?? There is this thing on there called the motivator... I need one of those to give me my push forward.