Tuesday, September 15, 2009

just some random ramblings... the usual by far

Have you ever felt like there was something you want to say or do.... but you just don't know what or how? That is how I feel today. I have been going through many of the other blogs that I have so enjoyed reading in the past. They were a nice addition to my day.

Lately I have been going through an emotional roller coaster of emotions. The ups, downs and loop de loops have, at times, been a bit more than I can handle. I have been reading a lot and I don't think I have read this much in years. I am actually on my 11th book, and it all started about a couple of weeks ago.

I have been watching movies to also try to numb the constant vibrations of my brain... but fictional lives don't help matters much. They just add to the thoughts that are always crossing my mind. I have always been a very daydreamy type of person, but as of lately.... it just seems to be getting worse.

I have been thinking a lot about what I really love to do and what I really want to do with my life. I have always loved photography and taking pictures. I have also wanted to travel all around the world. I want to see places and experiences cultures. I have a list of places I would love to go.. Ireland; Sweden; The Isle of Man; England; Germany; Japan; and the list just goes on and on. I also want to take my children on trips across the US to teach them of their American

Those are just a few of the things that I want. I want to go back to school. I just want to learn so much about so much. I want to learn new languages and teach them to my children. I want to be worldly and of the world all at the same time.

I also want to have an emotion smoothness. I understand that as humans we have a wide range of emotions. That is all acceptable. Yet, I can do with out the constant thoughts of things that make no sense. Or even when my mind realizes all of my weaknesses.

I am not saying that I am perfect... no one is. I have my issues... who doesn't. Yet, I know that I am just an average everyday woman: pony tail hair style, jeans and t-shirt wardrobe, little to no make-up, and absolutely in love with my children.

So why do I have so many thoughts about things that just drive me insane? Are there others out there that day dream of things that are outside the realm of your everyday normalcy? Are there others who just can't seem to get up over the one hump they know is holding them back from the rest of their lives? Or am I completely alone with this?

I know most of my post jumps all around and probably makes little to no sense... sorry.... but for some reason, I can't seem to lump my thoughts into something that makes actual sense. They just all keep jumping out of my mind into my fingers and across the keyboard. They needed to escape. :)