Sunday, December 26, 2010

is there something to learn here?

When does trying to stay optimistic just become a pathetic attempt to believe in something that isn't? At what point does thinking positive create a negative effect on a person?

I like to believe that each story has a purpose. That each moment in a person's life has been created for a reason. I, however, can not figure out how some situations come into play and create a stir of emotions, feeling, thoughts, anxieties, and well... everything/anything... Without being able to provide a reason.

My marriage was to give me 3 amazingly beautiful children. My husband cheating on me was to show me I was in the wrong relationship. His ability to make me feel like nothing was to teach me that NO person should have that power and that I am a kick ass person! Starting over was to prove to myself that I am capable of anything. Making new friends was to teach me that living again is possible.

Now... I understand there is always a lesson to be learned. Yet what I do not understand is how or even why it has to be taught. I, also, am well aware that not every lesson will be taught with rainbows and unicorns.

Currently I am trying to figure out why I am feeling a certain way or how it has even come to this point so quickly. I have been so torn with not being able to put a reason behind it. How is that possible? There has to be a reason! There is a reason for everything! What is this reasoning?

I have gone back and forth, up and down, in and out, all around! There is a reason behind this is and if that reason is evenly remotely close to the one I keep coming back to... I would to know how that is possible! Especially with all factors being considered.