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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Memories....Can be a bitch

So... Do you ever have those days where you think about things you would rather not think about? I am not meaning chores that need to be done, errands that need running, or bills that need paid. I am talking about memories from a time in your life that you would like to just have go away.

Memories that at the time of the creation were amazing moments that you would love to keep a hold of for the rest of your life... that is if it would have done the way you were planning it to at that time. Yet, over time... your plan back during that time disappeared and was replaced by you or by someone else. Now you are somewhere else... doing things that weren't part of that other plan... Confused yet!?

Now you are sitting alone drinking your morning coffee, reading the new People Magazine, washing some dirty dishes, separating laundry or just driving home... those little bastards just pop into your head without warning. Bringing back a moment that was so everything you once wanted and thought you would have. Reminding you that you were once so irresistibly happy and full of hope and joy for what was to come. Reminding you of a smell or a look or a touch... reminding you that you no longer have that. Pissing you off, just because they can.

Now I am not talking about memories of pain or abuse. Not even memories of wrong doings... I am talking about those memories that are sweet and dear and if things had gone the way you had once planned... they would be a welcome reminder of wonderful things. Yet, since your life took another path... they are still there... every so often popping in to say... Hey asshole, you will never forget me and I don't care.. NOW SUFFER!

I was on my way home from dropping the kids off at school and preschool today. I had an old mixed CD in the player and a stupid song came on that just flooded my mind with memories of a time that I try to forget. A time I thought I had it all planned out. A time that living in a fantasy world in my mind was just beginning. The memories started coming in slowly and I was able to handle that.. I have done a good job of that in the past. But today those rat bastards starting zapping through like a damned slide show... flashing stills of moments I thought were long gone and no longer stored in the banks of my long term memory.

I have an interesting story... one that some may be able to relate with, others who will judge one way or the other, and some who may just think I am crazy. I want to one day tell my story.... yet... the timing is not right... An excuse I am all too familiar with. One that has become my tag line for life. New in theaters near you... Amanda - the timing is not right.... Critics give it mixed reviews....

I know that our mind is a very tricky thing and you are to learn from things that you have done... good or bad... but can't some things just go away.

4 comments:

Melinda said...

I get the same way, I could just have the radio on and a song could come on or even a smell, and it takes you back to a time where you were just young and had the best plans and even though you are happy with life you cant help but wonder what could have been if you had gone that way, so you are not alone I think we all get that way cause noones life turns out 100% the way they had planed

carma said...

I get what you are saying! I suffer from the same affliction as well..

Stopping by from UBP to say "hi"- Party on :-)
carma

Lana said...

Yes. Me too. The weirdest trigger for me is smells. It's almost instant. I smell something familiar, and like the movies, my head spins with memories. Then it leaves me with such a strange feeling.

DiPaola Momma said...

I hear ya! and that title pic of yours did it for me today.. I miss home:0(

Thanks for stopping by on my BIG SITS day and for being one of my new minions (rubs hands together with evil grin).. um I mean followers. Your Nuggetier package and all it's privelages is... well there isn't one.. but we can have a few laughs together now and then, k?